Hey-o, I'm back again.
I'm happy to report that I've found a job!! It's not much (15 hours a week, $9.50/hr) but it's a start. And now I'll be able to at least pay my bills while looking for my "big-kid" job. We'll see where this leads me.
Skin-wise, I'm still doing pretty good again, and I'm very happy about it. Don't really have too much to say about it other than that. A lot of my stress was lifted by finding some sort of income, and this is definitely reflected in my skin. I guess I never really paid enough attention to what was going on in my life during really bad skin periods to notice how much of an affect my mental health has on the condition of my skin and how much I pick. I know that I bottle up a lot of my emotions as well, and that probably wasn't helping matters either.
Blogging has been a big help, especially in conjunction with my line-writing, which I'm still doing. It just makes me feel better, like it's something that I can actually do to help my skin, rather than just having to sit and wait for the natural healing to take place.
Stay strong, fellow pickers! We CAN beat this!!!
♥
"I don't need to pick, I love myself."
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
A Little Off-Subject
I've hit depression at it's worst.
Got an email today from my cell phone company. They're shutting me off in 10 days, because I'm 2 months behind on payments. I'm semi-caught-up on one of the credit cards I have, but one of them I'm 156 days behind. They said if I don't make some sort of payment soon, they may have to take legal action against me. OH. And I no longer have insurance on my car, because I can't make my payments.
Thing is, I probably won't be able to make any payments in the near future. I finished my degree in Public Relations in May, and I still haven't been able to get a job. Unemployed for 5 months now. And it's not for lack of trying, trust me. Sending out resumes, filling out applications, making phone calls, I've been doing it all. And no one's been biting.
I can't even get, like, a waitressing gig. Or a gas station/convenience store job. Or freaking Wal-Mart. The stress from this is making me physically and emotionally ill. Ironically, my skin is looking better again, like it did before I "fell off the wagon". Talk about not making sense.
Such is my life.
♥
Got an email today from my cell phone company. They're shutting me off in 10 days, because I'm 2 months behind on payments. I'm semi-caught-up on one of the credit cards I have, but one of them I'm 156 days behind. They said if I don't make some sort of payment soon, they may have to take legal action against me. OH. And I no longer have insurance on my car, because I can't make my payments.
Thing is, I probably won't be able to make any payments in the near future. I finished my degree in Public Relations in May, and I still haven't been able to get a job. Unemployed for 5 months now. And it's not for lack of trying, trust me. Sending out resumes, filling out applications, making phone calls, I've been doing it all. And no one's been biting.
I can't even get, like, a waitressing gig. Or a gas station/convenience store job. Or freaking Wal-Mart. The stress from this is making me physically and emotionally ill. Ironically, my skin is looking better again, like it did before I "fell off the wagon". Talk about not making sense.
Such is my life.
♥
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Going in Circles
Alright, I wrote recently about my (somewhat minor) relapse. The one where I picked three spots pretty good? Yeah, that one.
Well, I've let two out of those three sores heal up just fine. The third, however, I've been having real issues with. It's right on my chin, for the world to see. I just can't seem to leave it alone! I think I'll have to sit down and write more lines.... Also, I really wish that scars faded faster!!
In other news, I'm going to be attending another funeral on Monday. It'll be funeral #4 since April. Stupid 2009, you suck! RIP Uncle Jerry, I didn't know you well, but I know that you were well loved by all. ♥ I think that Uncle Jerry being so sick and on life support, and then passing away last night, may be a reason I can't leave that sore alone. He was my long-time (4 years!) boyfriend's uncle, and it's affected Jake a bit.
Either that, or I just suck. And the fact that even though I just completed my degree in Public Relations back in May, I am still unemployed. Not a whole lot to be happy about right now, I guess. It makes it harder to convince myself that I love myself....
♥
Well, I've let two out of those three sores heal up just fine. The third, however, I've been having real issues with. It's right on my chin, for the world to see. I just can't seem to leave it alone! I think I'll have to sit down and write more lines.... Also, I really wish that scars faded faster!!
In other news, I'm going to be attending another funeral on Monday. It'll be funeral #4 since April. Stupid 2009, you suck! RIP Uncle Jerry, I didn't know you well, but I know that you were well loved by all. ♥ I think that Uncle Jerry being so sick and on life support, and then passing away last night, may be a reason I can't leave that sore alone. He was my long-time (4 years!) boyfriend's uncle, and it's affected Jake a bit.
Either that, or I just suck. And the fact that even though I just completed my degree in Public Relations back in May, I am still unemployed. Not a whole lot to be happy about right now, I guess. It makes it harder to convince myself that I love myself....
♥
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
September 24, 2009 at 12:46am
Hey all, I've been at this Line Writing thing for about 3 weeks now, and I thought I'd stop in and say hi. =)
Overall, I must say that I'm pretty happy with my progress so far. Recently, I even went a week without writing any lines, simply because I didn't need to. Yesterday, though, I picked 3 spots pretty good. I felt like crap afterward and sat down and wrote 2 full pages of lines. I felt much better once I was done.
The upside I guess, is that, because I had left my skin alone for so long, I really didn't have a whole lot to pick at once I did relapse.
I guess it just goes to show how much dermatillomania is like alcoholism or an addiction to a controlled substance: I have the feeling that I'll never be "cured" of it, but instead will always be in recovery/remission. I think that it will (unfortunately) be a constant battle with myself.
I know that there are those who have found relief from picking through medication, and to them I want to say a huge congratulations! However, I'm not really fond of taking medications for extended periods of time (other than my birth control lol). I'm afraid of dependency. =/
I've also got an updated picture posted to the group, if anyone's interested. I really hope that me writing on here is helping someone, even if they're not writing their own lines. And for those who are writing lines, I would really love to know how it's going!
♥
"I am beautiful, I don't need to pick."
Overall, I must say that I'm pretty happy with my progress so far. Recently, I even went a week without writing any lines, simply because I didn't need to. Yesterday, though, I picked 3 spots pretty good. I felt like crap afterward and sat down and wrote 2 full pages of lines. I felt much better once I was done.
The upside I guess, is that, because I had left my skin alone for so long, I really didn't have a whole lot to pick at once I did relapse.
I guess it just goes to show how much dermatillomania is like alcoholism or an addiction to a controlled substance: I have the feeling that I'll never be "cured" of it, but instead will always be in recovery/remission. I think that it will (unfortunately) be a constant battle with myself.
I know that there are those who have found relief from picking through medication, and to them I want to say a huge congratulations! However, I'm not really fond of taking medications for extended periods of time (other than my birth control lol). I'm afraid of dependency. =/
I've also got an updated picture posted to the group, if anyone's interested. I really hope that me writing on here is helping someone, even if they're not writing their own lines. And for those who are writing lines, I would really love to know how it's going!
♥
"I am beautiful, I don't need to pick."
September 9, 2009 at 10:42pm
147 hours.
I've slipped up once or twice, but I've only caused myself to bleed once in this entire time. And that's a huge step for me, as I used to make myself bleed many times a day. It was like I was mutilating myself, over and over again. I've posted a few pictures of my progress, which is also a big step. Letting other people see me without makeup makes everything much more real, and for years I've just been trying to ignore it, and hope that it'll just go away.
Today I thought of something that happened to me this past summer: it was on a day that was pretty bad, skin wise, and I was at the laundromat. There was this little girl there with her mom, and the girl came up and was talking to me, and she asked me what was wrong with my face. This hurt so much I almost cried. I mean, what do you even say to that?
Anyway, I'm really happy with myself right now, that's all. =)
Now, I'm able to use regular face wash (and even facial scrub!) without it burning the open wounds on my face. I'm hoping the scrub will help to lighten the scars. My makeup routine takes MUCH less time now and I use less of it; it's much easier to cover scars than sores, and I'm not running to the bathroom constantly to check my face, apply more makeup, pick some more, etc.
Yay me!
♥
"Flaws are ok, I don't need to pick."
I've slipped up once or twice, but I've only caused myself to bleed once in this entire time. And that's a huge step for me, as I used to make myself bleed many times a day. It was like I was mutilating myself, over and over again. I've posted a few pictures of my progress, which is also a big step. Letting other people see me without makeup makes everything much more real, and for years I've just been trying to ignore it, and hope that it'll just go away.
Today I thought of something that happened to me this past summer: it was on a day that was pretty bad, skin wise, and I was at the laundromat. There was this little girl there with her mom, and the girl came up and was talking to me, and she asked me what was wrong with my face. This hurt so much I almost cried. I mean, what do you even say to that?
Anyway, I'm really happy with myself right now, that's all. =)
Now, I'm able to use regular face wash (and even facial scrub!) without it burning the open wounds on my face. I'm hoping the scrub will help to lighten the scars. My makeup routine takes MUCH less time now and I use less of it; it's much easier to cover scars than sores, and I'm not running to the bathroom constantly to check my face, apply more makeup, pick some more, etc.
Yay me!
♥
"Flaws are ok, I don't need to pick."
September 5, 2009 at 8:28pm
72 hours. I haven't been this happy about my skin in years!
I won't lie and say that I've had absolutely no slip ups, but I've done only very minor picking, and only a few times. And the picking that I did was only on blemishes that had dried on their own, to the point where they were falling off anyway. Not that that is my ideal situation, but I'm getting there. I'm really getting there.
At this point, I'm just excited to have gone 72 hours without causing myself to bleed, which I've done almost every day of my life since I was 14....
♥
"I am beautiful, I don't need to pick."
I won't lie and say that I've had absolutely no slip ups, but I've done only very minor picking, and only a few times. And the picking that I did was only on blemishes that had dried on their own, to the point where they were falling off anyway. Not that that is my ideal situation, but I'm getting there. I'm really getting there.
At this point, I'm just excited to have gone 72 hours without causing myself to bleed, which I've done almost every day of my life since I was 14....
♥
"I am beautiful, I don't need to pick."
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